这届人民的酒量不行

王五四

我的朋友当红网黑陈晓卿曾经说过,“这个世界上最好吃的是人。”我另外一个朋友,令狐冲也曾说过,“我这一生,麻烦之事,天天都有,管他娘的,喝酒喝酒。”

吃什么不重要,重要的是跟谁吃,喝什么也不重要,重要的是跟谁喝,特别是在大部分人都被视为韭菜的时候,那个对味的人,才是最好的酒菜。

一年四季,江南最好的酒菜莫过于笋了,而春笋又是其中最妙的,时鲜春笋,不放汤水,仅用酒一杯、猪油一杯、酱油一杯,做成三杯春笋,绝对对得起这春风雨露的滋养,味道自然也是胜却人间无数。三杯遇到春笋,还有另外一层含义,吃一块春笋,三杯酒可以下肚。当然,在江南的春意盎然里喝这酒要讲氛围,绝不能是杨子荣在百鸡宴上喝的粗酒,“今日痛饮庆功酒,壮志未酬誓不休………”,这样是要把春笋吓跑的,也难怪东北无笋。喝这酒至少得是《东京梦华录》里宫廷宴饮时女服务员劝酒那样:“教坊色长二人,在殿上栏杆边,皆诨裹宽紫袍,金带义褴,看盏斟御酒。”当然,这些都是“王谢堂前燕”,咱们寻常百姓家最多只能玩玩西门大官人和金莲妹子玩过的“噙酒哺在他口里”的游戏。

沈从文说,“我行过许多地方的桥,看过许多次数的云,喝过许多种类的酒,却只爱过一个正当最好年龄的人”,世间美文妙事的诞生,往往源于男欢女爱的一念之间,而男女之间最好是要有点酒做媒,《醒世恒言》里,卖油郎秦重初见花魁王美娘,心中暗想道:“人生一世,草生一秋。若得这等美人,搂抱了睡一夜,死也甘心。”花魁名妓,睡一宿十两,小小卖油郎哪有这么多钱?但卖油郎立定志向,“从明日开始……一日积得一分,一年也有三两六钱之数。只消三年,这事便成。若一日积得二分,只消年半。”为了跟心仪的人搂抱了睡一夜,卖油郎宁可攒上三年或者年半的钱,这比歌里唱道的“我用了半年的积蓄漂洋过海的来看你”还有诚意,这是升级版的《漂洋过海来睡你》。可有钱人很多,最终让秦重抱得美人归的还是因为酒,他伺候了酒醉的美娘一夜,端茶倒水细心周到,最终独占花魁。

自古英雄豪杰惺惺相惜,武林英雄见面是必须要喝酒的,不像现在的武林人士,还没碰面就先打110,碰了面,3秒之后就要打120了。金庸小说里的英雄最爱喝酒,丘处机和江南七怪铜缸斗酒,段誉巧用六脉神剑和乔峰松鹤楼拼酒,即便是萧峰跟天下武林人士绝交,也要喝酒。

英雄豪饮,怂人也可以喝酒,“酒壮怂人胆”,斗酒诗百篇的李白,也敢做出“天子呼来不上船,自称臣是酒中仙”的事。武松喝了十八碗酒还敢景阳冈上走一走,双拳打死老虎,不过,却不敢在哥哥家里喝嫂嫂金莲一碗酒。

酒不但可以壮胆,还可以给壮士壮行,李玉和去见鸠山,也要“临行喝妈一碗酒,浑身是胆雄赳赳”,《红高粱》里,巩俐递给姜文一碗高粱酒,风轻云淡地说,“把这酒喝了,天亮把日本人的汽车打了。”

如今,很多的酒,却被用来壮阳了。“风流茶说合,酒是色媒人”,他们相信蛇酒能补中益气,相信虎骨酒能壮筋骨、强腰肾,相信三鞭酒能养血兴阳,相信蝎子酒能固本培元……。幸好他们不知道西门庆老师常喝的羊羔酒,用嫩羊煮熟后的肉汁,混在糯米饭里酿成的酒,据说喝完也是“健脾胃、益腰身、大补元气”,弄得场面很是好看,“一个金鸡独立,高翘玉腿弄精神。一个枯树盘根,倒如翎花来刺牝。”不知道什么酒能补脑,这是他们最需要的。

有很多人,喝了那么多酒,无胆扶跌倒的老人,有胆伤害幼儿园的小孩,无胆喝止身边的丑陋,有胆向遥远的敌人宣战,无胆挑战学术霸凌,有胆骚扰身边的学生……无论是壮行壮胆壮阳的酒,都救不了他们了,这届人民的酒量不行。

或者这一个结尾:

我喝了一杯酒,写下这些字,深深感觉到,年轻的姑娘们啊,你们一定要找一个会喝酒爱喝酒懂喝酒的男人,因为这样的男人善解风情,定不会辜负你们大好的春光,而不解风情的男人,粗俗的可怕,大约就像《西游记》里的毛脸雷公一样,有幸看到几位姑娘洗澡:“褪放纽扣儿,解开罗带结;酥胸白似银,玉体浑如雪。”却不懂消受,只会蹦起来大喊一声:妖精,吃俺老孙一棒!

以下人民表示“不服”

宋石男 | 我的酒友朱勤奋

野夫 | 我曾在监狱中造酒

余少镭 | 喝酒的最高境界,只有死后才知道

老朱酒事 | 成都,一座来了就要喝翻的城市

宋石男 | 酒桌上的西门庆

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